i try not to seek aid from others but when good people provide i tend to break down. the only thing that can hurt me is the opposite sex. ill take advantage of this empty shell and feel nothing for a bit. pretend it wasnt my fault and realise that if there was nothing on that side then why should i care.
onto other things.. this is me. my name is Alexia Harlequin. any other name you might know, consider yourself lucky. ive grown up your typical teenage, cept depressed lonely and self mutilating. great 90% of the world seems to be like that more. i wont give a full detail. just know im this random piece of schitt and i dont know or care why im here...
im called a 'devil worshiper'- im Atheist
im told im on drugs- im a straightedge
im told im pretty- all i see is mistake and burden
im called a slut- im a virgin. im a straightedge
and so on. so... soo.. soo... youd see me on the street and think 'wow, fuck shes weird looking.. must be on drugs' or so my grandparents say. or not. she was drunk that night, she didnt even see when she dropped the glass of fucking bacardi. didnt even remember it. stupid cancer cunt. i hate you for saying that. i like what i wear and how i feel in it. im like a cross dresser in his first pair of nylons and silk dress. im comfy.
i probably have A.D.D. . i cant focus on too much of anything when im thinking.. ive had to stop several times with this entry, period. ack.. i live in the country.. im young, and all i wanna do is get the hell out of this wasteland, and hit refresh. im bi. i like tootsie rolls and i like lemurs for some odd reason.
so thats it for today... im trying to think about what ill be thinking of tomorrow around this time.. ah.. have to go to the dentist.. i hate my dentist. my mouth, get out of it. i hate oral pain. i love to feel a cool blade on my warm skin but i cant stand a needle in my gums. i can watch a dog rip its entrails out of its own stomach but i nearly vomit when i see the sight of an anorexic girl. im strange. i love bdsm.. i love that comforting feeling of devoting yourself to someone who appreciates it.. and shows it.
and just like that.. poof im done. im going to stare at the ceiling. wonder what it'll feel like when i leave here. all these memories in a lil box of a room.
muzik: Audioslave-Cochise
feeling: indifferent/really trying not to feel at this whole day dealie.