< brr. >
2003-05-14
10:03 p.m.
its that shiver of utter loneliness and decaying that crawls up your spine. where you know youre down where you know its hard to arise. you dread tomorrow but you anticipate the end. you look at the mess youve made, unable to get the gumption to clean it up in any way yet you go out with friends and forget it. or try to. or is it that constant reminder there, that you refuse to clean. maybe. happy is hard to come by. why cant there be this tiny switch in the back of my head to control emotions.
my bed is probably the most soothing thing i have. i dont have to directly intereact with the outside world. or my feelings, its more of a diff. area. you get into dreams you wish would never end, because they feelings you have there will never even relate to what you feel now. you dont want them to end but they do. god lets go back there, even my nightmares are fun. and fullfiling.
sleep calls...hoorah.. this is my second journal entry tonight, obviously theres something wrong, for me anyways. tootlies.
muzik: apoptygma berzerk-paranoia
feeling: same as before mhm.
Before / After
