wow today has been an overflow of emotions.
i shouldnt just let my rambles go everywhere. i get into fucks.
so im thinking of hiding away, maybe cutting off contact to everything and moving to canada. what do you think?
im very cold. this room... is cold. the floor's a mess and im a o.c.d. freak with cleaning. im rocking back and forth to it i swear ahaha. no. shuddup.
some guy, out of the blue claims he wants to fuck me. wow. and hes hott. but. i decline. why. because. why would i? thats lame. a meaningless enounter with someone i thought was cool but in reality is probably a cocky dickhead.
i went to my friend's house today. i must be the only one who finds her so beautiful. shes skinny, blonde, 'goth' and crazy. i like her. i 'dated' her a while back.. but anyways..
i sat in the back of her car with her, and she put her arm around me because we were squished together. i felt the need to so i layed my head on her chest. i needed to feel some sort of comfort from someone i loved. she doesnt know it, or care how i feel for her. though ive hinted it for a long time. she held me back, kissed me, petted me. i clung. im not used to it. at all. i tend to be attatched to those who allow me. not severly. but enough to feel that bond. i hate reaching for what ill never have. i do that.. want what i cant have. its the masochism in me, i do it to myself on purpose. knowing damn well they dont want me. or ever will beyond something friendship. so i observe. try to interract then i push too far. ack i did it again. no i hate britney spears.
suck it. suck my fucking clit you slut.
thats right. offending.
muzik:delerium-duende
feeling:ups and downs of joy and anticipation and downs of regret and stupidity.