thankies, i hope i did something good with it. hehe.
yea..as you may have noticed i have piccies now.. of people and me and ill have more later, i dont have many friends. lol. im a loser.
nothing major to report, fortunately, my life is hectic, hopefully i wont be doing anything over harvest meaning i can have certain someones visit. i hate being used. eh.
people asked me why i went to the doctor's yesterday.. 'oh, for a checkup'
....of course im ok. im okee. im f.i.n.e. Its sometimes hard to fake smiles. that reminds me.. i have a skool pic, no theyre not senior pics, because technically im a junipr. yes. anyways. i take junior like classes. so far straight A's. >_>
Orgy is asking me how i should feel. i think i have a sign on my face that says 'im stupid! Use me!' no fuckhead.
right now im wallowing in the dark..again.. aahaha wheee. im up at 9... i used to be anemic.. so i slept in class and i slept whenever i got home. my body never really leaves this state. it always wants to sleep now. i cant sleep though. my mind plays movies over and over and the possibility of what if and how come.. i replay my mistakes and never comprehend them to a positive conclusion. The same ceiling i look at when im getting off and when im trying to sleep tires me endlessly. A Perfect Circle has a new album out.
just when i thought he was out of my system... i have a pic of orlando in the last entry/images. it was...grueling to be digging through the tons of pics and writings about him, that i had to stop and pick one quickly. as much as a smile wanted to rise to my lips of good memories, it was crushed. i knew better and ceased. thus why his picture is at the bottom. sure im a wuss. but if you think you cant be hurt by love, youre a fool, it will hurt you more than most things. if you've never had a hard time losing the 'ONE' then you never loved them. you never loved.
I felt many emotions today, ones where my anger took a more serene fill and sat to the side. i could only think of ways to hurt people and the things i could say that would no doubt scar their fragile skulls. but i refrain, knowing i make no difference. i wrote an essay today on how voting is important...that even though youre one person and it seems like you wont be able to do anything worthwhile and effective with the gov't that you really can. that tiny vote can change everything. maybe, but im also cornering myself. condescending i beliiiieve. but hey. i need the grade right. i dont know what i believe. then my chem teacher asked me if Hell was exothermic or endothermic.
Before / After