i dont know what to make of the past few weeks. theyve gone by with my much insecurities and my feeble days and the days before that whereas i was content..
i wake.
all i see is a dim black.. i cant even roll out of bed im despising skool, im hating everything, im crusty.
i walk into that warm dim room then head for the bathroom. shower..cold..ick...
i cant even focus on the hot water, yea thats shampoo in my eye. im clean whatever.
what will i wear today, how will i look less ugly? hmm makeup: minumum clothes: black with suspenders
why do i care how i look? i know theres little to no one paying attention on it. yea my right arm's bleeding so what? i paid for it. yea im not skinny like you. yea im sitting like this im writing like this, im doing it like this. yea im bi yea im sick yea im weird yea im a sub yea im horny get over it. go get off on your empty sex.
i cant concentrate, im hungry, the room's spinning, im stale and im quiet.
i cant write. not even to him. theyre just harsh words. i cant be with you now. itll be a year before i can in the least. you know ill date others.
its simple really. war is strategic and love is silly. pointless, measuring yourself in a glass. whats the point? there is none
im hoping when she looks at me she thinks ' i wish i had a mind to do that to say that to look like that' maybe she's gay
i know what my fingers are capable of but i cant use them. im inside a shell, yea, ive lost things but im still here. augh im drooling i know. i know! stop giving me dirty looks..not my fault youre fat and bitter.
ill starve myself for you and ill look good for you. no point. no one can get past looks anyways. blink blink blink
looking out frosted tiny windows..smells of old children with no showers. plastic seats and heavy cheap purfume. music is all i hang on to. sometimes i dont know whats real or whats just an image in a filter
theyll make fun of me.. theyll rape my sides but theyll copy me.. copy of immitations they are.