been a pretty uneventful day. met some people. its good that way
im dead tired though. been doing tedious homework for skool. whippoee.
miami still has my fixiation and love for him as much as i hate to admit it. hes been so busy.. no time to talk to his ex whom he begged to still be apart of her life. the mistakes i make.. i still wonder what i did wrong...to make him hate me.. to lie to me.. to put me and himself in that whole episode of what....? love? false love for him i guess. not i. and i envy him and miss him and love him. its so hard not being able to talk to him like usual. its just painful. when i try to be myself hes not caring or busy. so different.. not him anymore. i wish i had the ability to just act like nothing hurts.. to trully feel nothing after everything. throw away everything..another human. without a second glance or thought. id like to tell him to his face how i feel but what i really want is to know exactly why.. i want real reason instead of just a random change
enough of that.....
but ill move on.. i was told that time really does heal. and soon the pain will lessen. and ill move on. i cant deny feelings i have now. those are special. but different. in a good way i suppose. and for a diff. person..
i need some change.. hmmm what should i do.... i need to get him from my psyche.. he wont leave so i feel a change might get my mind off of him.
i dont know if ill ever open up again. dont think ill be able to have a really great beautiful relationship in fear it will be false without me knowing...hurts.
i fucking hate being a human. id rather have been born a goldfish with the memory span of 2 seconds.
Before / After