so i emailed miami for some stupid reason..closure, answers, and end to this pain of the mistakes ive made... at least a little.. but yea i hurt and i cry and i bleed and i want to just explode and destroy everything in my path all out...bloddy mess of limbs and guts and brains and blood and muscle and fat and screams and tears and sweat and cum, i really dont care.....
then these people... these people throw themselves into my life.. MY life.. thinking they can play with me... by .. saying they've known me and waited for me since they were little.. no im not who you want im not special like that and you will not manipulate me... and dont tell me youve missed my voice and dont teeter on the verge of 'i love you' because you dont... you know why cuz you cant love a psychopath you cant love this piece of schitt that i am. i....
i couldnt sleep.. i need coffee or something in my body now because it seems that is the only beverage in this godforsaking future... i meant house...not..future...going to NY in Long Island on the 3rd. i wanna be down there nowish.. right fucking now because yes id be running from my problems but not only that id be running towards another possible problem.. i dont know whats wrong with me.. one of those days i wish i had alright slit my throat. cuz i wouldve.. yea yea im stronger why cuz i feel pain and thats the only thing reminding me that im growing... pushups.. that burn after pushups. ya know.. pain then the next morning after a hundred or so you see youre a tad bit stronger...
ill go to work and ill forget about everything for a lil while, ill hand people their food and take orders and get looks because im not the same person at work that i am on the streets or in stores...
i go swimming in a pool for the first time this summer and what do i make of it? i make a pie
pumpkin...one of my favs....
'even your yearning for sex is a dyslexic search for love'
true...
muzik:massive attack- mezzaine
feeling: utter confusion, depressed, anger anger anger....calm
Before / After