i saw the movie 'kids' and nearly cried. unfortunately. it is all true. the movie was 1 1/2 hours long and .. it seemed like 5 mins. that is one of the movies that will put you in the position to make some decisions as a teen.. whether you wanna throw your life into that chaos of drugs, premature sex, rape, alchohol, confusion, bigotry, and a schitt load of problems. or you want to take another path. and it made me relieved that i chose this path over that possible one. sXe forever baby.
ive been thinking...and as we all know its extremely dangerous for me.. im hearing things.. im seeing things.. im dreaming things i shouldnt dream.. my mind's in this tiny tornado. this house is so haunted. ever been attacked by a cutrain? yea.. well they attack.. apparently.. when no ones around and nothing on the other side, with a window closed...
ive been screaming... ive been scared out of my mind.. ignored, let down, reassuring, shivering, bleeding, bruised, worried, anxious, let down, dissappointed.. and loved.....all in a matter of days. the only thing i enjoyed was the bleeding and the loved.. but ive been locking away the feelings.. and i know youre reading.. and im sorry i hurt you this way.. but maybe its better than me trying to speak because it never works. i dont want to speak lies mistakingly when i feel the truth. ive denied myself love for months...and you know why. im so scared. my sub concious is hiding in a dark damp corner, rocking back and forth, reciting nursery rhymes and scratching away at her flesh. whereas i try to remain calm on the outside. its how ive been lately. then ill just flip out. innner self decides to viciously rebel. i cant give you any answers because they dont exist right now. so much schitt continues. i think all the time about it. i just dont know now. please dont hate me.....
its not awkward.. im awkward.. im phucked up and cant come to any conclusions. about anything. im sick of being alone.. then im sick of being around people.
windex powerized smells like cat puke...
muzik: nothing
feeling: something good but covered in a sticky bloody bad covering
Before / After