1. post hardcore is good.
2. i have very changing eyes.. from dark green to bright blue to dark blue.
3. im never as pretty as i think
4. the guy i like that i think is looking at me is looking at my best friend.
5. its hard to try to save an animal you know is going to die. do you try anyways...or do you quicken its death and end its pain?
i was reminded today that im not pretty. just when i thought i was.. i remembered i was just looking at a really blurry vision of me.
my cat dragged in a baby mouse today.. but it wasnt dead. i picked it up with some glove and was hoping it would die quickly so i could bury it away from my cats too deep for them to smell.. im ...sympathetic like this..i sat in our shed, watching the tiny thing squirm on the glove, unable to move due to the wound to its small head..the blood leaking from his skull had stuck to the rubber glove, causing the baby to twitch and squeak. it could only move its body but not its head. it would not die and it would not stop crying. my cats followed me shortly after, meowing so that i would drop it for them. like they needed it. we feed them all the time and all they do is puke it back up. so i finally yelled at them and observed the mousey again. this time i painfully but gently peeled his head from the glove so he'd stop squirming. his eyes werent even opened yet he was so young. yea. i cried. it may sound lame or weak but when you want to save something, but know you have to kill it to save it from nature's way of death (aka hawk, cat, other animal) its hard. but i waited instead. i even pet it a lil, hoping to ease his pain in some twisted way. im sure it did not help. then i buried him after 10 or so minutes. i kept the cats away, since they were such fucking vultures, waiting til i left their delicacy alone. my parents were pissed at what i did, saying i shouldve left it to die by the cat. maybe. but...
maybe i make no sense. and have no point. but mother nature is a cruel bitch. we have it way too fucking good. i shouldve killed it myself. but innocence should not die in pain. should not suffer. but i let it.
man im such a waste.
muzik:1000 foot krutch-phenomenon
feeling: sympathy...tired..angry